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Battling it out with Ten Ton Tony

UNLESS you are familiar with my children's stories (Mr Kirby the Dancing Man etc) you will not have heard of Ten Ton Tony.

During the heyday of the Wigston Wizards football team in the 1950s, TTT was often all that stood between victory and defeat as my mates and I took on the cream of south Leicestershire boys' teams.

Tony, you see, was our gargantuan goalkeeper - a lad so broad, so monolithic and so indestructible that opposing attackers quaked at the sight of him.

He rarely jumped, he couldn't dive, he never left his goal area, yet his intimidatory form was such that opponents scuffed their shots and hoofed the ball over the bar rather than go near him.

When they were on target, TTT blotted out the goalmouth so comprehensively that the ball bounced off him like grapeshot. Those who tried to dribble round him were so exhausted by the distance involved that they invariably shot tamely and limply wide.

The other day, I decided to depict Tony in one of my experimental pictures, in which I proceeded on the assumption that all people are globular. Thus, TTT did not feel quite so different from those around him. Here it is: Ten Ton Tony - Goalie Supreme.

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